I was walking from my house, thirty minutes past 7 in the night having my usual conversations with Christ. I thought how tangible things are more real and perhaps what frustrates me most in my spiritual walk is the inability to hold and feel my faith, God’s promises and even his unconditional love for me – in difficult times. In that instance it dawned on me, as if I never knew before, that I can neither see, hear, taste nor smell any spiritual aspect of my life – at list not in my daily Christian walk. I can’t demystify God from my human perception – the cognition/awareness of the information I receive from my sensory organs, that is ears, eyes, nose, mouth and skin.
I often read and reread my posts, mostly because I relate to the events I write. There are instances I try too much, I must admit, and there’s one post i tried to write someone else’s story. I will walk down that memory lane, from where God has me headed, so I won’t delete them. God has given me a framework of what he could have me do & I have no idea where to start. In theory, it seems great. It’s one of those concepts of making the world a better place. It’s big & puts me out there – an introverts nightmare. And I asked him “How am I even able to do this? This is bigger than me.” “Through Christ who strengthens you” that’s what came to mind.
Another post that I question its impact from the title alone is this. Am very honest in my writing, sometimes a little too much. There have been moments I question God’s goodness; in chronic situations – painful seasons that seem to last forever, his loud silence and my very own perfect ideas that hit a dead end. Am like God, I thought we were on this together…I tagged you along remember? And I must have done just that, tag him along instead of having him take the wheel. My imperfect relationship with Christ is an everyday work in progress – that’s how I see it, and still on the other side I know Christ did all the work, I am not saved by my works.
“but when perfection comes the imperfection disappears” 1 Cor 13:10.
Am working towards receiving everything he worked so hard for me, who knew acceptance would be the battle? I remember how grandmothers in my community chewed our foods and had us swallow, when we were still infants. Now we want to throw up from the mere thought because we think way too much. Infants eat anything, even poop & they don’t question what their grannies give them. We get older and get conditioned to the awful thought of having someone chew for us & it’s no longer an act of love/nurture. That’s the very same way we act towards God. His yoke is easy, his burden light but we still want to drag our own weight and remain as we are, in our discomfort zone.
“For anyone who enters God’s rest also rests from his own work….” Hebrews 4:10
My spiritual perception changes(gets bigger/clearer) as I grow in the Lord. I pray that in the quest to impact others with the knowledge and truth of Christ, my emotions won’t get in the way. Am striving towards; living joyfully from this fact alone – Christ has redeemed me & it’s his will for me to be joyful always, not in the turnout of my circumstances; trusting unwavering in God, his timing & promises. That everything I do will reflect the truth & love of Christ and a woman yearning to please God; from sharing real/personal/true struggles that reveal the glory of God to preaching water and drinking from the very same cup. So help me God.