He lied…and I believed him

I have this amazing Sunking solar lamp that replaced the bulb in my kitchen a couple of weeks ago. A tiny metal fell of the bulb holder and I couldn’t find it. Yesterday as I was emptying my fruit basket to make a smoothie I found it. Up the kitchen counter I climbed to replace the metal. Two screws out and back later, it worked. That took about 45 minutes. Sweaty and blinded by the bright light, another bulb went off in my head. That’s how God speaks to me by the way. With onions, metals, matchsticks, curtains… anything within my vicinity. It’s usually much easier to understand with these illustrations. So God brought into perspective the broken piece I wrote yesterday and the broken piece of metal I had just found. I had no idea I would be able to fix the holder but amazingly I did. I was ecstatic. The room was much brighter I opted to change the bulb but didn’t want another 45 minutes of sweating & holding my breath. I was assured, that God will and is in fact fixing all the broken pieces for a much brighter end product. I believed that, received it in my heart & thanked God in faith for everything He is doing behind the scenes. And just when I was settling into the miracles of the evening…”Pop”, the bulb blew up. And I went to sleep. But I asked God to let me know what that meant. He has used that to heal me of the brokenness of the past few months. It’s just amazing how he works.

bulb-pop

I thank God that in my hurt & doubt & questions, I did not quit on church and fellowship. All that time he pursued me. There was word after word that tagged at my heart. I guess I had gone much further down the drain of hopelessness and the words, as real and meaningful as they were, didn’t make any sense to me. I would have the food in my mouth but without chewing, it just stuck there. My nanny leaving was the beginning of the darts being thrown at my faith. So much more has happened afterwards that I can’t even recall, but they have led me to the point I’ve been: faithless, fatigued and prayerless. When God brought out my failure with the whole Cain story I missed the bigger picture. All I saw was rejection and an unanswered prayer because of failing to do the right thing. And I was wrong. 2nd Timothy 3:16 says that “All scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work”.

The devil twisted God’s word and I fell for his lies. I believed that God was mad at me. That I was rejected. That I was the problem. That I had hurt people. That my personality is awful. That am unpleasant to be around and even God himself was casting me out. He did a good job. He got my file out and took the pages of all my past and weaknesses, went to the bank and cashed the check see everything I remembered about my past. He took away my confidence in Christ. For a moment my bulb was on and I was settling in the warmth of it and “pop”, darkness. And that’s all I saw. The devil came in and burst my bubble, with it my confidence shrunk. He filled me with doubt, and just like steam on glass the word of God was erased in my heart and mind. I knew it was there, I just couldn’t see. Nothing made sense anymore.

There’s no scripture that says the word of God is meant to torment and unearth every mistake of our past so if you ever feel that way that’s deception from the enemy. That is meant to derail God’s plans and purposes for your life, to steal your joy and blind you this way: that God’s love and approval of us is conditional to the things we do right, that you will never get over you past, that your mistakes define who you are, that life is unfair, hard, unbearable and the future is hopeless, that God hates you and is out to get you.

The devil is deceptive, that’s his nature. If he’s got you into depression, know that’s not the will of God. If he’s got you stuck in the pain of your past, locked in the memories of the things that tore your your heart apart…he’s got you exactly where he wants you to be. If he’s had you figure out everything negative people think of you…that’s exactly what he wants you to believe.

Guard your thoughts from everything that’s not from God because there’s no grey area. It’s either from God or the devil.

confidence

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